Good Things

Have you ever struggled so long that you don't know how to NOT struggle?  That's how I feel right now.  Currently,  life is pretty damn good.  Of course nothing is ever perfect, but that's life and that's okay.  And yet,  I feel another shoe is about to drop at any moment.  At any given time, some bearer of bad news is going to come along and say,  "Oh hey,  all that money you thought you had worked out?  Yeah, no,  that's not happening."  or "That job you have now?  HA! It's been eliminated! Pack your stuff and start over!"

I don't want to be whiner,  this isn't a complaint.  If anything,  I'm frustrated with myself for not being able to just enjoy solvency.

I'm also sort of suffering a creative crisis.  This is largely my own doing as I haven't been putting my creative talents to work in any productive way.  And all those times writers and artists tell you to work at your craft every day wasn't just so they could hear themselves say it.  It's true.  If you don't do it, you lose it.   So, use it! you say.  And I agree.  I could list for you the multitude of reasons I don't have enough time,  but in reality they are all just excuses.  If I love it,  and I do,  I should make time  (less T.V.,  more writing, drawing, sewing ,etc.).

That being said,  what eats my time (besides T.V.) are those important things that can improve the quality of my and my husband's life.  You know, those pesky things like work and college.  Writing is the big one for me.  I want to do more of that.  But it is a love that takes hours and forsakes all company if you want to get anywhere.  Of course,  Husband the Great would understand completely, but I actually like spending time with him, so it's more me stopping myself than him.

So, now, instead of worrying how we're going to get groceries this week,  I worry about when or if I'll be able to expound upon these little idea sparks in my head that could lead to a story some day if I could just take the time to flesh them out.  Even though I won't starve if I don't write a story,  the feeling is the same and it makes me restless and cranky.